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[Articles Home]  [Add Article]  

Varmint Proof Your Antenna

Philip Neidlinger (KA4KOE) on June 21, 2004
View comments about this article!


How many of you kiddies out there have spent countless hours tweaking your antenna system in the backyard, only to find that the vagaries of the Great Outdoors inevitably set you back and put your creation at peril? I'm not talking about hurricanes, tornados, flash floods, or even Richter 8.5 temblors. Nope, we're talking varmints. More specifically, I'm referring to the four-legged kind. The new kludge described herein may just solve every problem you've ever had as pertaining to the gnawing habbits of certain wild or domestic pets.

My current station consists of an Icom IC-756PRO combined with a remote AH-4 antenna tuner from the same company. It's a really nice and slick setup that the engineers at Icom have dreamed up. When teamed with some ground radials and a 130' piece of wire at 70' maximum height, you have what I term the “Swiss Army Knife” of antenna systems. My antenna works on all bands from 160 to 6 meters, no problem. Hey, it may not be the best arrangement, and the pattern is really funky, but it gets me on the air with minimal fuss and minimal wire and metal betwixt terra firma and the majestic heavens above. The installation also had to meet my bride's undefined aesthetic minimum standards, which are still largely a mystery to me. My wife, KG4KTW, is unsympathetic to my plight. Engineering explanations did no good. Ergo, all the wire, lanyards, pulleys, and the like are black in color in an attempt to render said antenna array difficult to see.

Only one problem exists with the installation: the tuner, balun coaxial choke, control cabling, and ground wire are exposed. The weaknesses of the installation were brought vividly to light when our canine, Sophie, took a keen interest in the aforementioned items, and proceeded to chew on the assembly. She found the Category 5e network cabling particularly tasty, and destroyed a 10' hunk of it in short order.

0x01 graphic

Sophie: Antenna Terror !

0x01 graphic

The Kludge: Crude, but Effective

The solution was elegantly simple, and had a quaint, thrown-together look to it. See the second photograph…..Yep, its just what it looks like….chicken wire from Home Depot nailed to the tree. It protects the vital innards of my antenna feedpoint. The cabling is buried up to the bricks on the left side of the Georgia pine tree. From what I can tell, there are no problems pertaining to the operation of the antenna. The screen also keeps the cracker snatchers away from the RF hot antenna terminal, where the potentials can reach teeth-chattering levels. The bricks help discourage the cute little doggie from digging and gaining access to the tasty AH-4. Let me tell you, its an on-going battle, fellow radio troopers.

Why did I write this? Well, this idea is so far off the wall that I just had to pass it on. I'd be very interested to hear of your experiences in this field. No fake owls on antennas gang…that's old hat.

Cheers.

Philip Neidlinger

KA4KOE

Member Comments:
This article has expired. No more comments may be added.
 
Varmint Proof Your Antenna  
by AE4NR on June 21, 2004 Mail this to a friend!
This appears to be a good idea but what is a ham to do about the little long tailed critters nick named Rocky that really love to chew on the insulation on my wire antennas I guess I could learn to use non insulated wire and a good 22 rifle is out of the question as Rocky has become some what of a fixture here with the Grandson Rocky by the way is a squirrel we adopted 3 years ago when his mother abandoned him any way your article was fun to read and a welcome break thanks for the ideas
 
RE: Varmint Proof Your Antenna  
by KF4VGX on June 21, 2004 Mail this to a friend!
Category 5e, Mam what are you doing !
You have found the next best thing to Gravey Train.
Market it , "Sophie Snacks"
 
RE: Varmint Proof Your Antenna  
by KA5N on June 21, 2004 Mail this to a friend!
Why not run the wires up through conduit to the 10 ft. level. The conduit can be painted to match the bark.
The extra wire that is coiled up should be protected from squirrels and such. Then the chicken wire and bricks won't get tangled up in a lawnmower. You might also add a drip pan to catch the hyperbole leaking out of this article (just kidding).
Allen
 
RE: Varmint Proof Your Antenna  
by KA4KOE on June 21, 2004 Mail this to a friend!
The bride tells me I now have to paint the AH4 tuner, as its white color doesn't blend in with the tree.
 
RE: Varmint Proof Your Antenna  
by K0BG on June 21, 2004 Mail this to a friend!
What you should have done is turn the area around the tree into a flower garden replete with rose bushes. Women love roses and dogs don't!

Alan, KØBG
www.k0bg.com
 
RE: Varmint Proof Your Antenna  
by AD7DB on June 21, 2004 Mail this to a friend!
Ah yes, dogs and their 3 legged salute can sure wreck something like you've got!

The fake owl doesn't work. In this area the other birds just perch on it. Doesn't faze them at all!
 
RE: Varmint Proof Your Antenna  
by N6AJR on June 21, 2004 Mail this to a friend!
ummmmm puppies taste just like chicken....
 
RE: Varmint Proof Your Antenna  
by AH6RR on June 21, 2004 Mail this to a friend!
I have the fix for the white tuner, dont paint use "Real Tree" camo tape made for guns ect. You should be able to get it from any Good sporting goods store. It should blend very well with the tree and you can clean the tape stickem off alot faster than the paint without harming the ATU.
Good luck with the tower ;)
Roland AH6RR
 
RE: Varmint Proof Your Antenna  
by W4VR on June 21, 2004 Mail this to a friend!
Not sure what this has to do with fake owls..they prevent birds from perching on your aluminum beam. However you do have a cute westy...we have one that's 8 years old.
 
Varmint Proof Your Antenna  
by N7NRA on June 21, 2004 Mail this to a friend!
Phil,

Sorry, I don't mean to nitpick, and if you'll stick with me for a couple of paragraphs you'll see the reason for the 'pick.

Judging from the photo, what you have installed is not technically "chicken wire", which isn't really "chicken wire", either, but is actually "poultry netting". In the hardware business, what you've installed is called "hardware cloth". It has square openings, while chicken wire has hexagonal ones and, besides being a good dog deterrant, is useful for making cages for various rodent-variety pets. But that's beside the point.

The reason I brought this up is to point out to the general readership of this forum that shopping around can have benefits, even when it comes to buying "chicken wire".

I recently bought a Butternut HF-9V vertical and had an idea related to the grounding system that would make the antenna more acceptable to my wife than it would be if I was to install the factory-recommended radials. The installation is to be a roof mount, and I didn't want a bunch of wires hanging down from the roof. Having experimented with non-typical grounding systems 25 years ago, I thought I might have a slick method of eliminating the wires. The roof on which I'll be mounting the antenna is that of my new workshop building at the rear of my house. It's still under construction so it afforded me the opportunity to do what I wanted very easily. I called the manufacturer and was given the phone number of their technical expert. I called him and described my plan. He immediately told me: "That should work really well!" My plan? Install a layer of chicken wire covering the roof of the building before the shingles are installed. This will create a huge counterpoise and will generally take the place of the ground radials. Unfortunately, I can't remember the name of Butternut's tech expert, but he told me to run a minimum of six 26ga (min dia.) radials as long as possible and evenly spaced from the "ground" end of the antenna and spread them across the roof, attaching the ends of the wire to the roof so the wires maintain their spread regardless of the weather. He said they will capacitively couple to the chicken wire counterpoise and won't require any physical electrical connection to it. The chicken wire and shingles have been installed and I'm anxious to get the building finished so I can mount the antenna, install my radios and try it out.

What does this have to do with the price of chicken wire? Just this. I went to Home Depot to buy the stuff and found it in two parts of the store. It's in "fencing", and also in the part of the store that houses the roofing shingles, insulation and other external building supplies. In that department it's called "stucco wire". Same wire gauge, same zinc plating, same opening size, but the stucco wire is quite a bit less expensive. I had to buy several rolls of the stuff in order to completely cover the roof and the price differential was substantial.

Bottom line: If you want to try this type of grounding system, either for a roof mount or a ground mount, buy the "stucco wire", rather than the "chicken wire" and save yourself some money.

Regards,

Stew
 
RE: Varmint Proof Your Antenna  
by N3BIF on June 21, 2004 Mail this to a friend!
Looks like 1/2 inch wire screening not chicken wire, which looks more like a series of circles with each rows center offset 1/2 the diameter from the adjoining row, nevertheless it works and does look charming, real chicken wire would give it a more rural look though. (Read Red Neck perhaps)
 
RE: Varmint Proof Your Antenna  
by KA4KOE on June 21, 2004 Mail this to a friend!
The Category 5e network cabling was free and is used to remotely control the tuner. Its not being used to carry RF. But do note the large wound choke baluns on both the network cable (white), and coaxial cable (grey).
 
RE: Varmint Proof Your Antenna  
by W6TH on June 21, 2004 Mail this to a friend!
Forget about the animals and the antenna destroyers.

Just concentrate on the terrific antenna set up. Five stars for this gentleman.

.:
 
RE: Varmint Proof Your Antenna  
by N6AYJ on June 21, 2004 Mail this to a friend!
Don't ASK your wife if you can put up an antenna! TELL her you're going to put one up! Then DO it!
Sure, she may divorce you if you stand up for yourself, but at least you'll keep your self-respect.
If you act like a wimp and let her boss you around, she may divorce you anyway, but then you won't have your self-respect.
 
RE: Varmint Proof Your Antenna  
by WB9NJB on June 21, 2004 Mail this to a friend!
Electrify the chicken wire, get a cold beer and a chair, and watch the dog. If the juice is high enough, the dog will be medium rare, and they do taste like chicken. Bon apetite!
 
RE: Varmint Proof Your Antenna  
by WB9NJB on June 21, 2004 Mail this to a friend!
Electrify the chicken wire, get a cold beer and a chair, and watch the dog. If the juice is high enough, the dog will be medium rare, and they do taste like chicken. Bon apetite!
 
RE: Varmint Proof Your Antenna  
by AE6IP on June 21, 2004 Mail this to a friend!
Betcha don't have racoons in your neck of the wood.

 
Varmint Proof Your Antenna  
by WA2JJH on June 21, 2004 Mail this to a friend!
TNX PHILP FER another informative artical with a bit of your whit.

Only VAR-MINTS I have in NYC are Ho-Bo's that sleep and smoke crack on the roof.
They just love to clip radials! Copper wire always comes in handy. For what,I do not know!!!!!!

Low tech:Razor ribbon radials

High tech...Hmmmm 300 Watt IR laser diode array driving a ND/YAG rod and an optical frequency doubler to 200nm(UV) and a 3mm beam collinator

non lethal high tech....A few CCD camera's, motion detector, and a VCR.

BTW: True story. Some live electrical dude wired up his car with a 70,000 Volt stun gun. The live electrical dude was arrested after someone broke into his car!! The dude that got zapped called the police about this shocking car!

The live electrical dude got probation!

 
Coons  
by KA4KOE on June 21, 2004 Mail this to a friend!
Yep, we sure do...And half of them are estimated to carry rabies...Fortunately, they prefer other goodies besides CMP (plenum) rated Cat 5e network cable.
 
Varmint Proof Your Antenna  
by W0SAS on June 22, 2004 Mail this to a friend!
N7NRA, that sounds like a great idea... for those of us who are well past the construction stage, how about putting the chicken wire/ stucco wire on the inside of the roof? My attic access isn't the easiest to get to, but I could get in there and staple it to the inside of the rafters... I think the capacitive coupling should work through the roof just as well... only a couple of inches worth of construction materials.
 
RE: 70,000 Volt stun gun  
by KF4VGX on June 22, 2004 Mail this to a friend!
BTW: True story. Some live electrical dude wired up his car with a 70,000 Volt stun gun. The live electrical dude was arrested after someone broke into his car!! The dude that got zapped called the police about this shocking car!

The live electrical dude got probation!


I would enjoy hearing more about this shocking story.
 
RE: Varmint Proof Your Antenna  
by KF4VGX on June 22, 2004 Mail this to a friend!
Don't ASK your wife if you can put up an antenna! TELL her you're going to put one up! Then DO it!
Sure, she may divorce you if you stand up for yourself, but at least you'll keep your self-respect.
If you act like a wimp and let her boss you around, she may divorce you anyway, but then you won't have your self-respect.


WARNING ! Don't do this what ever you do ! Why ? I did.
While I was in the middle of explaining ( Telling )
my wife what I was going to do. She told me to
( Shut up ) being a bit hard of hearing at the time,I thought she said ( Stand up ). ! Now I have problems hearing all together. As Paul Harvey says' "Now you know the rest of the story "
 
Varmint Proof Your Antenna  
by KB7LYM on June 22, 2004 Mail this to a friend!
Very interesting reading. However I plan to stay in Kenya,Africa for 6 months and wondered if The Kludge
will indure the trampling of the roaming Elephants ?
It seems a little flimsy to be used to those Behemots.
Wish you well

KB7LYM

 
RE: Varmint Proof Your Antenna  
by KC8VWM on June 22, 2004 Mail this to a friend!

>>> But do note the large wound choke baluns on both the network cable (white), and coaxial cable (grey). <<<

I followed your idea and I no longer have the problem of squirrels chewing on my coaxial cables. In my particular installation I tried substituting the choke baluns you described in your photos, to exploding choke baluns made from C4.

Question:, Where the hell did my tree and vertical antenna disappear to?

Charles - KC8VWM
 
RE: Varmint Proof Your Antenna  
by KC8VWM on June 22, 2004 Mail this to a friend!

Squirrel thinking out loud while at KA4KOE's antenna installation:

o O Do I chew the black wire, or do I chew the red wire first... ?
 
Varmint Proof Your Antenna  
by WA2JJH on June 22, 2004 Mail this to a friend!
OK, more on the shocking story. It did make broadcast news in my area about 15 years ago.
The police cited that the car could have exploded, a small child could have messed with the car, and got zapped to heart arythmia's, and there was some stupid town ordinance about booby trapping your car!!!!!! I guess it varies state to state about booby traping your own car!

This event happened on Long Island, NY. Same as area where this dude finds his car battey stolen. Comes back the next day. There is a brand new battery and two tickets for a very hot Bway show of that time(EVITA).
Dude comes back from the show with his wife, only to find his house ripped off to the bone!

If you do not want to stun gun your car, try this low tech trick..
Make some double sided gaffers tape. Spinkle on some ultra sharp double barbed fish hooks. Wrap it around in the back of the radio.
If someone in the dark steals your radio, They got a bunch of fish hooks deeply impaled in their hands.
Our GB penpal would say...I guess the poor bloke has a bloody mess on thier hands!!!
Better not try this in NY state. The car theif will sue you for pain and suffering and you violated his civil rights to steal mobile rigs!

Charles: to answer your question. I think just about every animal with excellent night vision are color blind. BTW: Antennas blow up all the time. It's like spontanouse combustion or somethin, C4 is too pedestrian these days. RDX gets more bang for the buck!

Philip,saw your handy work promoting. You should do PR work. Thanks for hooking me up with the BBC. The radio broadcast will be on the net. I will let you know when. They were from BBC-4. Anyone know if BBC-4 has a shortwave freq?
The interview went well.

73 All MIKE WA2JJH
 
Varmint Proof Your Antenna  
by N7NRA on June 23, 2004 Mail this to a friend!
To W0SAS:

Putting the chicken wire (hens-forth: cw) on the inside of the roof structure should work, but I'm nut sure how well the capacitive coupling of the radials will work, considering the distance from the outer roof surface to the cw stapled to the inside of the rafters. For a 2x4 roof frame, there will be 3.5 inches of 2x4, another 1/2 to 5/8 inch of plywood or other sheathing material and close to an inch of shingles (asphalt) and roofing felt (tar paper). That's close to 5 inches of separation. I have no experience with this and from what I've read, the radials should be very close to the ground or counterpoise if there is no physical electrical connection. If you make a physical connection, I'm pretty certain it would work well.

Regards,

Stew
N7NRA
 
Red wire with yellow stripe?  
by KA4KOE on June 23, 2004 Mail this to a friend!
Or yellow wire with red stripe....reminiscent of a scene from The Abyss. Couldn't tell since the squirrel is holding a luminescent stick, and the green light is killer...literally.

Squirrels often complete the HV circuit to ground from either a or b phase on pole pigs and are quite spectacular....BOOM!!! and the lights go out as the cutout trips.
 
AH-4 ideas  
by KB2CPW on June 23, 2004 Mail this to a friend!

Dont paint the AH-4, simply make a box for it and cover it with wood contact paper or undo the tuner and place a black or brown ladies nylon over it. You can use a tupperware container or upside down plastic pail etc.. and do the above too..
 
RE: Red wire with yellow stripe?  
by K4JSR on June 23, 2004 Mail this to a friend!
Philip, digressing back to your your esteemed spousal unit demanding that you camouflage the white ATU at the base of the tree. I have met your lovely bride and know that she is a South Georgia Gal. Tell her that you do not paint the ATU camo, you whitewash the base of the tree as per old southern traditions.
Even in Savannah unwhitewashed hardwood tree trunks
would be an indicator that the landlord of the house
was an uncouth yankee (Half a word!). At the least a
remnant from William Tecumseh Sherman's visit back in
'64 (eighteen, that is.).
Marty, we've got racoons here in Georgia, too. One of
our favorite sports is to catch an old racoon and put it on a log floating in a large branch (Creek to the un-initiated). Then you set the hounds loose (The ones
eating your antenna wires and such)to go after the
racoon. This is sport best enjoyed while consuming
some liquid Georgia Corn (Moonshine to the un-initiated.). Save some of the corn likker for use
as antiseptic on the hounds! You don't want to leave
a blood trail that the alligators will follow back to your kennels. That is how things were done in the old
genteel South. Oh yeah, if you want to break away
from the dog-racoon action and do some Catfish fishing, be certain to go upstream as the catfish downstream will be feasting on dog and racoon bits.
It is sort of like not going to The Colonel's for
dinner the day after the big game cock matches!
Hope that helps you all out!
73, Cal K4JSR

 
RE: Red wire with yellow stripe?  
by KA4KOE on June 23, 2004 Mail this to a friend!
Surprisingly, I have NEVER had trouble with squirrels chewing on any parts of my antenna...and its been up two years.

The system survived yesterday's violent thunderstorm/microburst that did lots of damage and left about 20,000 on Wilmington Island sans juice. Violent lightning (like an artillery barrage), torrential rain with visibility at 5 feet, flooding, Old Testament stuff, and I was driving home when it erupted right over my lil haid.

But, my black #14 insulated stranded was still flying and attached to the AH4 when I got home. How it didn't get hit by lightning, I don't know. Funny though, all the rolling garbage cans at the curb along my street were blown over.
 
RE: Varmint Proof Your Antenna  
by N3ZKP on June 23, 2004 Mail this to a friend!
<< Putting the chicken wire (hens-forth: cw) on the inside of the roof structure should work, but I'm nut sure how well the capacitive coupling of the radials will work, considering the distance from the outer roof surface to the cw stapled to the inside of the rafters. >>

It won't work. There needs to be a direct, physical connection between the ground side of the antenna and the radial system, no matter what the radial system is made of. And that connection needs to be a short as possible. I would imagine no more than a few inches.

Lon - HF6V on a 23,000 sq ft steel roof!!!
 
RE: Red wire with yellow stripe?  
by W0FM on June 23, 2004 Mail this to a friend!
Now Philip, had those garbage cans been metal, one could staple them to the roof rafters in the attic and.....nevermind.

Terry, WØFM
 
Woodpeckers  
by KA4KOE on June 23, 2004 Mail this to a friend!
Now if we can only figure out how to keep woodpeckers from trying to find worms inside those aluminum antennas out there!! I don't know what species of grub lives inside the elements, but they must be tasty given the racket. Can't shoot the boogers since the cockaded variety here is endangered.
 
RE: Woodpeckers  
by KF4VGX on June 23, 2004 Mail this to a friend!
by KA4KOE
Now if we can only figure out how to keep woodpeckers from trying to find worms inside those aluminum antennas out there!! I don't know what species of grub lives inside the elements, but they must be tasty given the racket. Can't shoot the boogers since the cockaded variety here is endangered.

Shoot em the BIRD ! May be your only stance.


 
Varmint Proof Your Antenna  
by WA2JJH on June 24, 2004 Mail this to a friend!
Hmmmmmm...."shot them the bird-ay" NYC does not have a bird(sniff-sniff) A pidgeon is not a bird, but a rat with wings. So we cannot use the pidgeon is the city bird.

I guess "flippin the bird"(Middle finger up, other fingers down with the thumb across the forth finger.
AKA getting the F finger will have to be NYC's bird!
 
Varmint Proof Your Antenna  
by WA2JJH on June 24, 2004 Mail this to a friend!
Philip, Sophie is adorable. You called her an antenna terror. If anybody asks what the breed of the dog is, you can say proudly....""Sophie is a rare breed, she is an antenna terrior! Or a coaxial terrior!
A tuner terrior.

You can say the breed of antenna terrior's are trained to destroy enemy transmission post's!

Breed sophie with a sheepdog, and you gotsa lots of little sheep antenna terriors! People will then start wondering, did not know sheep have antenna's!

This is a perfect non sequeter, the next time you get a TVI complaint from the same dude that is actually getting TVI from other places. The kind of dude the is sitting on top of his own TVI generator. The old heat blanket!

Sorry to stray off the topic. I want to do a humor thread on all the times I was accused of creating TVI.
Only to be able to show the chronic complainer where his TVI is actually coming from. The chronic offers a tiny apology, only to be followed up with a consumer electronics question!

After I saw I was being used, I just answer the guy in technobabble, gibberish, or a well placed non seqeuter. Like...is your TV tuned to JELLO BIAFRA,or didnt you try the old tube switchero trick on that set.
Just swap the tubes the different sockets.

I am always willing to be a good neighbor, and I do get asked to help people choose a computer or VCR. I get invited to parties around XMAS time from people I do not know that well.

However, when some dude said my ham radio caused a medical condition, I can be very mean with a smile!

Sorry for the 2 cents of literary trash!
73 DE MIKE
 
Varmint Proof Your Antenna  
by WA2JJH on June 24, 2004 Mail this to a friend!
Someone said they should make dog food out of the material the AT-4 was made of. Philips dog liked the taste.

Well, Sophie is simply a history student.
In the past during food shortages, some strange idea's came out.

Someone did make bread out of sawdust! No flour needed. I think the recipe is the same. Just use very fine sawdust instead of unhealthy bleached white flour we eat today.

Fact is sawdust is all cellouse. The body cannot produce calories out of it. Actually the bread may end up having negative calories. the body must expend energy to only partailly digest the celluouse.

The problem was the taste AND texture. It tasted just like sawdust! Just use elmers glue as mayonnaise!

This will stop Varmints from messing with your antenna. Just leave a bunch of these low cal sandwiches
around your antenna. I do not think any varmint will be back for a second round of sawdust bread with glue mayo!
Cal...just add some BBQ roadkill, and you have low cal roadkill burgers. BTW: roadkill is called road pizza here!
 
RE: Varmint Proof Your Antenna  
by G7HEU on June 24, 2004 Mail this to a friend!
Philip

The only thing that endangers antennas over here is the local Planning Officer. If you can suggest a method of protecting things from that guy I'd be grateful.

Steve
M0HEU / G7HEU.
 
Two legged varmints  
by KA4KOE on June 24, 2004 Mail this to a friend!
A pet attack skunk would be my weapon of choice in your situation...that way you don't violate any weapons laws...OR

If keeping a pet attack skunk is illegal, borrow one, milk its stink gland, and put the sordid brew into a squirt bottle or super soaker. You must of course wear a hazmat suit while performing this delicate procedure.
 
RE: Two legged varmints  
by G7HEU on June 24, 2004 Mail this to a friend!
I don't think skunks are illegal - we just don't have them here.

Please send skunk oil a.s.a.p.
 
RE: Two legged varmints  
by K4JSR on June 24, 2004 Mail this to a friend!
Philip, Just hire Pepe Le Pew and feed him a testosterone sandwich. He would be the most fearsome of all attack skunks! His coloring would go well with the whitewashed hardwood trees, also!

73, Cal K4JSR

PS. You could also have R. Lee Ermey coach him on
"Close Odor Drill"!
At least you would know why propogation stinks on some days!
 
Varmint Proof Your Antenna  
by WA2JJH on June 25, 2004 Mail this to a friend!
pHILIP AND Steve. Rumor has it you guys are going into the mail order skunk business.

As a friend I feel I should give you my opinion on the mail order skunk business.

THE WHOLE IDEA JUST STINKS!!!! yeah I know my joke stinks too!

I think you could get into trouble with a few agencies.

1)Do the skunks sign an advanced directive
2)If one of your skunk-in a-box goes off, you could drive a postal worker postal!!
3)Do you offer any returns? There are people out thier that could use the skunk, then demand a refund.
4)You must offer health and free postage to every skunk you employ!

The rules and regs. Go on and on
No CW requirement, your off the hook their!

Steve I have 2 idea's for your situation. I am not saying they are any better then Philips get rich quick
scheme of the Skunk-in a box limited partnership biz.

The offical dude idea number one.....Bribe the guy.
Just the good old fashioned low tech artform.

Idea #2 Give him a nice gift certificate for DR Jack Kavorkian! Yes there is a small complication. I think DR Jack is in jail. Perhaps when he is out on parole, he can make good on the gift certificate!

In theory he is not really violating his parole, if he is out on work release. DR JACK can say he had no choice. If he does not make good on the euthenasia gift certificate, he commits retroactive fruad by proxy!

OK, How about this. Give me enough money to fly first
class ond trip, and pay for a 2 week stay at the Savoy
Hotel. I will give you a break. I will onlyhave lunch and dinner at Simpsons. I can pay for my own breakfast.

Send me the money. I will cut you a break by taking an oil frieghter. Your still paying for me to fly to England. I will cash in the airfair. I will give you 5% of the refund! If you look at it, your kind of making money on the deal!

Do all this, and I will talk to the guy. I will look really mean. I will prank phone call him too!
Pay me an extra $1000, and I will order pizza's to him!
I will use many curse words when I talk to him.
I will threaten him with bad press!
I will show him a picture of Philips dog Sophie!
I will tell him I will have Sophie bark at him a lot!
I think he will cave in, and see things your way.

Am I a freind or what!!! Putting my life on the line like that! Risking high chorlesteral from all the prime rib at Simpsons! I do not like Yorkshire pudding, so I will just give you the pudding for free!

Do we have a deal? I will give you an offshore account to send the money. Just put the cash in a few different envelopes.

What does this piece of literary trash have to do with VARMINT PROOFING you ask?

Absolutly nothing! HOWEVER, I DID PROOF OUT TO BE A VARMINT!! M
 
RE: Varmint Proof Your Antenna  
by G7HEU on June 25, 2004 Mail this to a friend!
Mike / JJH

When I visited a 'cafe' in Amsterdam 'skunk' was on the menu. It was about $15 / bag. Perhaps I should have bought some?

In the meantime I'm busy working on your travel arrangements. One of my best pals is a sergeant in the British army. He spends his work time throwing things out the back of C-120s. Fancy a jump?


Steve.
 
RE: Varmint Proof Your Antenna  
by G7HEU on June 25, 2004 Mail this to a friend!
I think I meant C-130s. What ever, they have props and a big door at the the rear.
 
RE: Varmint Proof Your Antenna  
by KA4KOE on June 27, 2004 Mail this to a friend!
ARF! ARF! <antenna> YUM!!!
 
Sophie Hurt  
by KA4KOE on June 30, 2004 Mail this to a friend!
The dog jumped out of Sheri's open car window, and got hit by a Jaguar.

Her leg got bloodied, but xrays showed no damage. She was somewhat subdued last night, understandably.

Lucky dog.
 
RE: Sophie Hurt  
by K4JSR on June 30, 2004 Mail this to a friend!
I am glad she wasn't hurt. Maybe now she will be a
little more Sophie-sticated!
I doubt it though. Every dog I ever had came with the ingrained belief that a door or a window was some-
thing to always be on the other side of. I know that
your bride feels just ARFul about this incident.
I shall not compose a limerick about it out of sympathy for your wishes for for no DOGgerel.
I think now would be a great time for Sophie to get her NCT ticket and request a K9 call. Ham radio would
certainly give her a new leash on life. Her first rig
could be a Kennlewood. She could use it to run BONE
patches. Or she could get a bunch of her friends together and run PACK IT. Or even PSK9-31.
Or any of those dogital modes.
I am going to go away now, before somebody comes up to
pick a bone with me. As they say in Doggie Heaven...
SEVENTY TREES! Cal K4JSR
 
RE: Sophie Hurt  
by K4JSR on June 30, 2004 Mail this to a friend!
And another thing...
Did the doggie EMT's come and carry her to the Vet's
on a LITTER? I hope not as that would STRETCHER too
far! Of course they could have raced to the Vet's
on a Dan Gurney.
I know, I should have quit while I was still ahead.
I guess I'll shut my YAP now.
73 Cal K4JSR
 
RE: Sophie Hurt  
by G7HEU on June 30, 2004 Mail this to a friend!
Philip

My dog is my best pal in the world. He and I were together when a series of women came and went through my front door. One girl broke ( dented ?) my heart a few years back. Do you know what? The first time my dog met that woman he growled at her.

Have I told you the story about when he saved me from a big gang of yobs?

I'm now married - when the dog first met my future wife he liked her as much as me.

Non dog owners will not understand.

I'm glad Sophie is not badly hurt. Get one of those concertina things that allows the car window to be open without a means of exit.

Get well soon Sophie!

Steve

M0HEU / G7HEU.

 
RE: Sophie Hurt  
by G7HEU on June 30, 2004 Mail this to a friend!
In case anyone is interested I have put my fave picture of the hound on my E-ham profile.

Can somebody remind me to change the picture back again in a day or two?

Steve.
 
Notice  
by KA4KOE on July 26, 2004 Mail this to a friend!
This article is
© 2004 Philip Neidlinger
 
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