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1-9 of 9 messages
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Page 1 of 1
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I wish to register a complaint!
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Reply
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by W2IRT on April 7, 2008
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Mail this to a friend!
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(Based on recent cluster comments, and with apologies to John Cleese and Michael Palin.)
QRPer from down the hill enters an office containing a counter with a radio and microphone on it. Another man is standing behind the counter.
QRPer: I wish to register a complaint!
Ofcom agent: Sorry, we're closed for lunch...
QRPer: Never mind that, ol' man, I wish to complain about 10 meters, wot I got permission to use not half a year ago frrrrom this very boutique.
Ofcom agent: Oh, yes, 10 meters. What's, uh....what's wrong with it?
QRPer: I'll tell you what's wrong with it OM, It's DEAD, that's what's wrong with it.
Ofcom agent: Oh no, it's resting.
QRPer: Look matey, I know a dead band when I hear one, and I'm listening to one right now.
Ofcom agent: No no, it's not dead, it's restin'. Remarkable band, ten metres...beautiful daylight coverage.
QRPer: The coverage don't enter into it....it's stone dead.
Ofcom agent: no no no no, it's *resting*.
QRPer: ALLLLLLright then, if it's resting, I'll wake it up. CQ. CQ TEN. I'M QRV BETWEEN LIGHTNING BOLTS ON CLIPPERTON ISLAND IF YOU'LL WAKE UP, TEN METERS! (Ofcom agent quickly breaks out a bug and oscillator and sends some fast CW)
Ofcom agent: There, that was a signal
QRPer: Not it wasn't, that was you sending on a practice oscillator.
Ofcom agent: I NEVER
QRPer Yes you did!
Ofcom agent: I did naugh...
QRPer: (quickly tuning the transmitter) SEEEE CUE TEN SEEEECUE TEN!!! QRZ TEN METERS! THIS IS YOUR DX WAKEUP CALL
(Turns up the AF gain and spins the VFO from end to end to only the sound of static).
QRPer: Now that's what I call a dead band.
Ofcom agent: No, no.....no it's STUNNED.
QRPer: STUNNED?
Ofcom agent: Yeah, you stunned it just when you were tuning up. 10 meters stuns easily.
QRPer: Um....now look, mate, don't play the slippery eel with me. That band is definitely deceased, and when I went QRV not six short months ago, my Elmer assured me that its total lack of activity was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following CQ World Wide.
Ofcom agent: Well, it's probably pining for sunspots.
QRPer: PININ' for SUNSPOTS??? What kind of talk is that and why did it fall flat the moment I put my tower up?
Ofcom agent: 10 meters prefers keeping quiet like that. Remarkable band, innit? Beautiful Daytime Coverage.
QRPer: Look tosh, I took the liberty of examining that band when the TI9 was on, and I discovered that the only reason there were any signals at all was because I was listening to other callers on ground wave.
Ofcom agent: Well of *course* you were hearing them ground wave. Look, if there'd been any propagation at all they'd have all come in long path, and VOOM.
QRPer: VOOM?
Ofcom agent: Voom.
QRPer: Mate, this band wouldn't voom if the solar flux was four hundred thousand! It's bleedin' DEMISED
Ofcom agent: No no, it's pining for sunsp....
QRPer: It's not pining, it's passed on. It has ceased to be. It's a wasteland just like 6 with no aurora! It's flatter than me 80 meter dipole. If it hadn't been for ground wave I'd be hearing crickets. It's off the dial, it's run down the coax and joined the bloody Palos Verdes Sundancers. Vis-a-vis DX QSOs, this band's 'ad it's lot. All statements to the effect of this band's being workable are from now on inoperative. TEN METERS IS NOW QRT! (slams mic down on the desk)
Radio: CQ CQ CQ TEN VP8LP calling from the Falkland Islands, anybody, anywhere, CQ CQ CQ CQ CQ (fades out).
QRPer: (astonished)
Ofcom agent: Right! (evil grin on his face; pull back to reveal the Ofcom agent pull out a Wouff Hong and a Rettysnitch from behind the counter and chases the QRPer out of the office and down the street).
---------------------------
(may be shamelessly copied eslewhere and modified to be funnier at will, but please credit W2IRT)
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RE: I wish to register a complaint!
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Reply
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by KY6R on April 7, 2008
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Mail this to a friend!
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Have you any Camembert? . . . . . . . ..
ooooops - that's another favorite sketch.
Do you have any beacons on 10?
Yes, but they're a bit runny . . . . .
You DON'T have any beacons on 10 - do you?
No - that's right, fresh out . . . .
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RE: I wish to register a complaint!
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Reply
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by N3OX on April 7, 2008
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Mail this to a friend!
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"Well of *course* you were hearing them ground wave. Look, if there'd been any propagation at all they'd have all come in long path, and VOOM.
"
Ha!
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RE: I wish to register a complaint!
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Reply
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by AE5I on April 8, 2008
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ROTFL!
There's got to be a parallel between some of these pileups and the Argument Clinic.... ;-)
Good work! If John and Michael were hams, I know they'd be pleased!
73
Tom AE5I
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RE: I wish to register a complaint!
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Reply
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by KA3NRX on April 10, 2008
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Mail this to a friend!
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SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM, SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM.....I DON'T LIKE SPAM!!!!!
Sorry!
Vince P
KA3NRX
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