"Ham-isms" We Should Retire Once and for All

By Don Keith, N4KC
www.donkeith.com www.n4kc.com

In my book Get on the Air...NOW! , I identified and tried to help with what I consider to be some of the biggest obstacles that stand in the way of many people who get their Ham tickets but then delay actually getting more deeply involved. These were things that discouraged them from getting on the air and fully experiencing all the various aspects of our hobby. One of those impediments was the jargon, that specialized language that develops among all groups or around most pursuits and that can scare the whey out of newcomers. If you don't agree that it can faze folks, eavesdrop on conversations involving computer game enthusiasts, antique car restorers, hunters, fishermen, golfers, Makers...or even fellow Amateurs who might have more exotic interests within the hobby than you do.

To help new Hams not to be intimidated by the specialized vocabulary of our hobby, I decided to include a "dictionary" of terms as part of Get on the Air...NOW! I had been collecting such a list for years and got busy tracking down as many more as I could find that might buffalo a newly-licensed Amateur. But before I knew it, I had over 1,200 terms, over 1,600 definitions, and hundreds of Internet links, and this did not include many technical terms. I also realized that a surprising number of the terms I found would be new even to old-timers. That is because the hobby constantly evolves and many of us silo ourselves, remaining within our own narrow segment of the hobby.

(When I am at hamfests with my books [see you in Nashville in July and Huntsville in August], I often challenge those who proclaim, "Aw, I've been licensed since before they invented AC. I don't need no Ham Radio dictionary!" I tell them I bet I can stump them within three entries pulled from the book. If I don't, I'll give them a free copy they can pass along to someone not so enlightened. I have never gotten past the second term and thus have never had to give away a copy.)

I decided to not only include all that jargon in the book but to also publish it separately as The Amateur Radio Dictionary in both small-format paperback and e-book. Frankly, I was surprised nobody had done this before and the sales of the book prove there is a decided need. It also became clear that this would have to be an ongoing effort to keep it updated. Just as with English and other languages, our Ham terminology changes, too. I regularly get suggestions for new terms to include and I openly solicit and encourage such submissions. More prolific contributors will even get their names and callsigns in the book!

However, among the new entries contributed also come phrases and lingo that do not necessarily fit into a "dictionary." And among them are even some that I personally would like to see disappear altogether. With a few exceptions, I left them out of the book and dictionary simply because I did not want to legitimize them.

Thus the reason for this article. I want to de-legitimize them by poking good-natured fun at them!

Here, then, are some expressions that I would vote to shuffle off to the scrap heap of the Amateur Radio lexicon. Not in a mean-spirited way, mind you. Some have served their purpose and are ready for a long-overdue rest. Others simply don't make sense. Others are just plain goofy. And I bet you can come up with plenty more.

My favorite "ham-isms" I'd most like to deep-6:

"If I can hear `em, I can work `em."

Well, excuse me for such a typical "slacker generation" response, but, "Duh!" Although I know some guys who try to bluff their way into a QSL by logging some rare DX right off the cluster spot, please explain how you can, in reality, work a station you CAN'T EVEN HEAR!

Okay, I know some new digital modes allow copying stations below the noise level that you can't discern by ear, but you know what I mean. This expression is not even really bragging. The band may be bursting with signals from all over the planet for most people listening in but that ten-penny nail you are using for an antenna only allows you to hear--and make contact with--a precious few.

Continue working only what you can hear, but let's send this nonsensical phrase packing.

"I have destinated."

The heady days when VHF/UHF operation first put mobile operating within reach of us all inevitably resulted in all sorts of new and creative terms, many coined just to show how clever we all were. How many remember when we first got on the repeater and thought "full quieting" was a new punk band out of San Francisco? Or "heard you on reverse split" could have been some totally new kind of RFI best diagnosed by a proctologist?

I actually heard a new op come back to the "destinated" pronouncement with, "You've WHAT?" The response was almost as puzzling to the new Ham: "I just got to the home QTH so I'm gonna pull the plug, get a cold 807, and see who's modulatin' on the Goat Stomper Net on 75."

Ahem. Let's make the "home QTH" of "destinated" the dust bin of antiquated Amateur Radio jargon.

"We don't have propagation today."

Then I say alert the media! Right now! A basic tenet of physics has ceased to function. Just don't try to use your cell phone. If there is absolutely NO radio frequency propagation, you see, then a large portion of the media--like broadcast radio and TV--won't be able to relay the earth-shaking news. Because their signals will not be able to propagate!

No, it's all gone. 20 meters. WiFi. Cell phones. The "Mutt and Joe Morning Radio Show" on Rock 107. What will we do?

Look, you actually may not be able to chew the rag with your buds on 40 because the ionosphere has not been adequately tickled by the sun. But there is, without doubt, some propagation. It may only be lofting your little signal down to the end of the block. Or launching it far out into space beyond the usual layer that refracts such a thing, to a place where only aliens can get the latest update on your wife's eczema. But, believe me on this. Some kind of propagation is occurring.

Let's stop propagating this dire but patently untrue pronouncement.

"We can have an eyeball at the hamfest."

I have watched Chef Anthony Bourdain on TV as he happily engorges himself on frog gizzards, duck feet, and roasted roaches. He's made a career--and a small fortune--eating exotic fare. I have never seen him have an eyeball!

I certainly have never seen anyone have an eyeball at a hamfest. Bad hot dogs, gummy fries, and charcoal-crispy brats (Dayton), yes.

Okay, I know what this phrase means and you likely do, too. But imagine some potential new Amateur programming in the local repeater channel into his scanner and the very first thing he hears is, "Yep, we'll have to have an eyeball. Then we'll go over to the boneyard and see if we can find some tuning slugs and bleeder resistors."

Yummy! Ours is such a tasty hobby.

"Old man, you're off frequency."

I will readily admit that this terminology has become something of a pet peeve for this particular old man. I have it it from someone who answered my CQ. And even once from a station that called me after I wrapped up a nice QSO with another op.

"Old man, N4KC, what frequency you on?"

I check my VFO. "I'm reading 14 dot 250 dot 17," I inform him. That is likely close enough to the actual frequency at which I have been emanating RF for the past hour or so.

"Thought so. You're off frequency. I'm on 14.250 on the nose. Your audio sounds funny if you are off frequency, you know."

"But you called me. You should listen to me and call me on the frequency on which I'm operating."

"No, I can't, because you're off frequency. With that fancy Extra-class call sign, seems like you would know such a thing. I don't even know how you do that. My radio goes from 250 to 251 to 252."

So I move down to 14.250. And I throw the "Sarcasm" switch to ON.

"Gosh, I'm sorry. I sure hope the FCC or an Official Observer didn't catch me operating off frequency! I worked hard for this license and I sure don't want to lose it for pulling such a dumb stunt as operating off frequency."

I might try to explain how he might want to look in the manual and figure out how to change the increment at which his VFO dial changes. Or assure him we can transmit anywhere in the band, not just on the even frequencies. But all the time I'm squeezing the push-to-talk so hard I am in danger of crushing the microphone.

"73 and see you on down the log book."

This one is merely antiquated. I know. Some of you still keep a paper-and-pencil log book. That's fine. But I believe it is time we retired this old saw just on general principle. Sure, you can still "see" me--or at least my fancy Extra-class call sign--on down your computer log.

No, I'm not going to fuss at someone who tells me this on the air. I appreciate the sentiment. But this is just another of those expressions that linger from the olden days when we worked hard to come up with cute phrases to say stuff when plain old everyday language would work better.

"Down the log book" could go down the disposal and we would never miss it.

"My personal is..." "What's your personal?"

It is also not my nature to get all sweaty and bothered by phrases that have made the trek over from CB to Ham Radio. I wholeheartedly welcome those who first whetted their interest in wireless on 11 meters. And congratulate them for moving on over to our swath of spectrum. Some of the best and most interesting Hams I know cut their teeth on CB.

Not because it came from CB but because it is usually better to say stuff in plain language, I vote for dumping "personal" from the Amateur Radio airwaves. What's wrong with saying, "My name is Bill?" Or, "What is your name?"

I don't understand, though, why so many Bills out there "love ladies" so much. Or why a considerable number of Bobs are partial to bottles of beer. That would require more study than this "Dumb Old Nut" is capable of.

"I'm good on QRZ."

Stop the presses! This guy is good on QRZ!

I am aware that it is possible that someone's contact info can be outdated on the QRZ.com web site. Maybe he has to move frequently, trying to stay a step ahead of the law. Or bill collectors. Or the Immigration and Naturalization Service. But if he is on the lam, I doubt he has sufficient time to do any serious hamming.

Unless somebody specifically tells me his data is not correct, I believe I can safely assume it is okay. I'd bet the web site keeps itself synched pretty closely with the FCC database. We are required by law to keep the info at the FCC up to date. And any of us can correct errors on the QRZ site in a few seconds if we really want to.

(To a point, that is. I live in a town called Indian Springs Village. The FCC database lacks sufficient spaces on their entry form for a town name with that many characters. In their database as well as on QRZ, I live in "Indian Springs Villa." Sounds vaguely South-of-France, doesn't it? No matter. Mail to the address as it appears at either source and I'll get your QSL. And I'll return one to you. Providing, of course, that you are "good on QRZ.")

Swerz, "My swerz are too high."

There are three sure ways to get a fistfight going among Amateur Radio enthusiasts.

1 - Call "CQ contest" on a frequency that has been used by the same bunch of rag-chewers for the past quarter century, even if it is hours yet before they typically congregate.

2 - Give a negative review of any piece of gear, either on the air, on a web site, or on an Internet reflector dedicated to users of the aforementioned piece of gear.

3 - Discuss standing wave ratio.

I don't mean to discourage productive discussion of any of the above. I do suggest we don't resort to fistfights but work out our differences and express our opinions (regardless how stupid and unfounded they may be) in a civil and positive manner. But please, can we stop talking about SWR as "swerz?"

Look, it is a singular term. The last word is "ratio." While ratio can be plural, it would not typically be so in this usage.

Worse, "swerz" sounds like a particularly distressing gastro-intestinal condition that could afflict anyone who might have eaten frog gizzards, duck feet, or roasted roaches.

Or eyeballs.

Or Dayton brats.

So there you have a few "ham-isms" I believe we could remove from our hobby and not miss them one bit. Now, how about you? Can you think of others? Something tells me you can.

Please try to stay positive and good-spirited. I hope I have. Ours is a hobby and we should not get bent out of shape over small things. None of these expressions is going to bring down civilization as we know it. That's what presidential politics is for.

But I hope we can still find some humor in our foibles. And I hope that I have done that in this article. As for me, I'm now going to pull the plug, get a cold 807, and see what you guys come up with.

(Don Keith, N4KC is a long-time active Ham. He is also an award-winning and best-selling author with more than thirty books published, fiction and non-fiction, on a wide range of subjects, including Amateur Radio. His novel Firing Point is now in production as a major motion picture under the title Hunter Killerr, starring Gerard Butler and Gary Oldman. He recently received the Bill Leonard Journalism Award from the ARRL for an article on the hobby that appeared in American Legion Magazine. Don's web sites are www.donkeith.com and www.n4kc.com The latter site features numerous articles about our hobby. He is good on QRZ.)