If you want to run a Raspberry Pi "headless" from the get-go, you have to run it from the command line for a bit. You also should have wired internet, because wireless doesn't quite default due to passwords, etc.
The key? In the "boot" partition, simply add a file called "ssh" (all lower case, no suffix). The contents are irrelevant.
This will allow you to do even your initial boot of the Pi headless.
The Pi should boot up and run DHCP and get some kind of address on your network. You will have to find this (your router's tables should have it one way or another).
Once you have that, download the popular PuTTY program (or some other one you like) and use it to connect to the Pi using the "ssh" protocol. Put in the user ID of "Pi" and the default password.
You are then "good to go" as far as configuring wireless, VNC, whatever else you need to set up from the command line.
If you are really savvy, you can configure your router to allow the Pi to use DHCP and yet have it assign the same IP address every time. Many routers support such a function nowadays. You have to extract your Pi''s "MAC" address to do this. That's the best of both worlds -- the convenience of DHCP and the predictability of a fixed address. You can extract the separate MAC for your wireless and assign that a different address, so you can connect to whatever interface is active.